Monday, August 07, 2006

For some reason they thought I was going to succeed

[Those purely interested in houses built in and around the Greater Baton Rouge area or the happenings of a HfH affiliate may stop reading now, this one is going a different way]

So [my second favorite way to start a new subject. 20 points to the first person that figures out the first,] I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome of the past weekend. I debated myself if I would even admit out loud what I even did (I won/I lost), but it kinda is important to me and is fitting that it happened this year. Yes, I'm so old that I attended my twenty-year high school reunion.

I suppose they are hit-or-miss - you either like 'em or you don't. As you may have intuited that I'm at some personal crossroads, I do like to reflect from time to time if this past year has been the most productive use of my time, or if I'm indeed insane. I'm not certain why this particular group of people hold sway over certain aspects of my life, but I was clearly nervous leading up to the event, and figuring out how to describe my current status was definitely one of the reasons why.

What I discovered is that I found myself in very familiar territory after the anxiety subsided. Many of them are also on their own personal journeys of discovery. Those that aren't may find themselves on one soon enough.

I can be terse. Ok, I tend to be terse. Often, I try to know my audience. For example, sometimes people are just asking you a question they want you to ask them in return - no long or thoughtful reply on my part is necessary. If some non-engineer asked what I did at my previous job, I would often ask back how detailed of an answer they want, or were we just making conversation - if so, it may be simpler for me to suggest potential topics that will hold both of our attention. Or when someone asks the inevitable, "what kind of computer should I buy" I have to get them to define "kind" for me. Because where I'm thinking processor architecture or processor manufacturer, they're talking vendor or retailer. That led me to the comforting, but probably annoying habit of just answering enough that they're sure not to follow up. But every once in a while, when the tide is high, the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, I'll describe in great detail what I'm doing.

Maybe it was the venue, or because we are at similar points in our lives, or maybe it's good old curiosity, but more than one person seemed genuinely interested in my past year and it afforded me the opportunity to meet the challenge of responding with a thoughtful and genuine response. And, with every response, I took the time to learn from the previous reply to further refine, even for myself, what the heck I have done for the past year, and what I want to continue doing. If for no other reason, it was worth it to open myself up to old anxieties and insecurities of high school. Fortunately, there were many other rewards (ok a few, but they were good), but I'll keep them to myself.

The irony of the whole deal was that I took all this time to figure out what I'm even looking for, and it was best summed up by my great friend Alisa, who said "Oh, you're just like those guys in 'City Slickers'. You know, looking for One Thing."

8 comments:

JamesF said...

[my second favorite way to start a new subject. 20 points to the first person that figures out the first,]

I'll take "Anyway" for $1000 Alex.

mattfite said...

+20

Mark Lundquist said...

Let me know if you find that One Thing.

I think we can safely say it's not in a noble gas.

mattfite said...

I was happy to spend time with you and your families (Suzie, I meant what i said about your son). No one other than my family knows of my chicken & dumplin' weakness, but now that the secret is out, i'm going to roll with it. I'm not certain i can make it back this weekend, but you can send all you want (pies included) down here to SoLa - when the address changes i'll let you know.

Thank you both for the kind words. Please tell Angela I said hi and she's not supposed to be so old. And I'm definitely going to miss Taylor.

Mark, it's so good to hear from you. and if I do figure out the one thing i'll certainly share. If it can be found on the periodic table of elements, i'm certain it wouldn't be the one with an atomic number of 18. I do, however, miss my job and some of the people - even Ken.

Mark Lundquist said...

Strange, I put One Thing in <i> taps and it horked it up. Maybe the first rule of the One Thing is we don't talk about the One Thing.

It's been great reading about your journey. It's challenging and encouraging to read.

Shoot me an email sometime, I'd like to ask you a couple things about Habitat.

mattfite said...

Thanks Jo. I'm glad you keep checking in on me - i chuckle every time i see Australia pop up on my map. I'm hoping to make an announcement sooner or later, so keep watching.

The Dogfather said...

Speaking of Element 18...
Well... let's not.

"even Ken" - you mean me? really? I always just figured I was a pain in the butt. But I understand about missing the people there, since I've flown the coop.

And yes, you can count me among the many fans of your work, or rather, almost jealous of the journey. (It's almost b/c I spent years working on the docks in the heat in Matagorda, TX. So I don't miss honest labor - well... mostly. *grin*)

And someone recommended the clergy for you... perhaps not clergy, but a role similar to a military chaplain. Non-denominational counselor, as long as you had a secret hardware lab in your garage you'd probably not go insane(er).

Cheers

mattfite said...

sorry ken. that time i was referring to the 'other' ken, my officemate who gave me nothing but grief. but i do miss him, the way one would miss a three-legged, one-eyed dog, with a surly attitude. i kid only because i love, and i miss working with someone that much smarter than me. fortunately i've found someone here capable of constantly pointing out all my flaws - so i've got that part covered.

i heard, however, that you had left our old haunt. i follow the dogfather, so congratulations to you. congratulations for learning to post more than once a quarter. try not to goof off while your new boss is away. tell greg s i said 'sup', and finally, i too think Clara will kick your butt.